so stuck in a state of bullshit with the same person. I am hurt, thrown in a puddle of mud and shit. i hate him. I hate him. i hate him. im mad and hurt. im so frail inside and i do it to myself. i open myself up. lying to myself that it isn't the same. that i cant be touched. i am touched and it fuckin blows. i dont like feeling this way. its not rejection so much as it is betrayal. its the worst thing I have felt in a long time. someone so dear, a best friend, knowing me more than anyone could know me..has done this to me. i can't trust. i can't do this anymore.