its too much and too little that makes this void so complete

so im in a hole. a fucking black hole. there are things crawling around me and i dont even give a fuck.
its scary down here but the depth of despair i find myself in isnt comparable..so i just sit.
sit and feel scared. feel annoyed that it is cramped, and smelly. that the earth below me is wet. and brown. i hate the color brown right now. i hate this feeling. this out of control feeling. that at any moment, any second i will go crazy. pull out all of my hair, take off all of my clothes and run in front of a fuckin bus.
however the most freightening thing of all is that this pain will stop. i will be left without warning, without a chance to say goodbye. to say goodbye to my dysfunction. my "I don't give a shit attitude." who will i be then? surely not bethany robinson.
who is bethany robinson. a kind curvy girl with dark curly hair. big lips and an oh so sweet heart. fuck bethany robinson. fuck her into the deep brown soil she hates. until she no longer feel scared for darkness.